Posted in Kitchen Sink on December 31, 2008| 13 Comments »
That would be puking your guts out from too much red wine like you’re a teenager, then getting up with a raging headache on New Year’s Eve. No, that would not be any fun at all…
Red wine is my mortal enemy this morning…
ETA: But, we had a blast last night binging…
Posted in Kitchen Sink on December 30, 2008| 13 Comments »
In case you didn’t know…
Hello, my name is Shannie and I love to binge. I’m binging like hell on the most fattening foods I can find and on massive amounts of alcohol. My binge will not end until the 2nd of January. So between now and then, I’m cramming everything I can find in my mouth (almost everything… sorry, Mister…) and drinking myself into a stupor.
The 2nd will be the new beginning of my long forgotten diet… So you better believe that I will have eaten up all that stocking candy (and I don’t even usually eat candy,) snacked on all those chips (I’m not really a snacker, either,) and will have knocked back all that plain ole Budweiser that has been sitting in our beer fridge since October (I hate Budweiser… no “skull busters” for me thank you,) just because I know that in two days I can’t.
Now don’t get me wrong, I won’t be completely eliminating the good stuff, especially of the alcoholic variety, but I will be cutting back. And exercising. I hate exercising. Oh well. It’ll be good for me. And good for my spring wardrobe, that as of right now wouldn’t fit… Since I’ve been binging since Thanksgiving and all…
Anyway, I thought it might be kind of fun to keep a blog journal of what all I consume between now and then… What do you guys think? Like a daily log of my food and beverage intake… I think it’s a great idea… So, get ready to be repulsed, because I love me some gluttony. Gluttony rules… We all know how much I love to sin.
ETA: Ooh, and BFF Laura just confirmed that she is coming to partake in the consuming of unhealthy and fattening shit AND is bringing ice cream. I love you, my friend!
Posted in Kitchen Sink on December 30, 2008| 11 Comments »
For now, anyway. We have to reassess in a few months.
His eczema went schizo and changed personalities… It went from regular ole eczema to papular eczema. So now my handsome baby boy is covered in bumps from head to toe. Sometimes they’re all red, but most of the time they’re not. So it looks like my baby is a plucked chicken. He’s covered in bumpy chicken skin. Okay, that makes me want to gag. I have an aversion to touching raw meat… Especially chicken. I seriously have to wear latex gloves. Ack. My poor baby boy… He does not look like a plucked chicken.
Actually, he does… Just like the above picture. Except his face looks like chicken skin, too… And he has arms.
I got some crazy prescription for him that’s something bizarre like hydrocortisone powder compounded into something called acid mantle. The word ACID is in the list of ingredients, people. That is not sounding at all like something you would want to rub your baby in from head to toe three times a day… But, if it will turn my baby from a plucked chicken back into his cute little soft human form, I’ll gladly acid him all up. And try and pretend that I’m not rubbing some raw chicken skin with olive oil… Okay, I’m about to gag again…
Posted in Kitchen Sink on December 29, 2008| 8 Comments »
Because I may have totally jinxed myself.
I typed this last February in a blog entry:
Along with all of the ten thousand million things I have to do to prepare for our weekend out of town, I have decided to be rather ambitious and bake and decorate Valentine’s cookies for Avery’s entire preschool class. Except for three little kids with food allergies. That must really suck. Not just for the kids, but for their parents, too… I mean, I am waaaay too lazy to have a kid with food allergies. I already have a hard time heating up chicken nuggets and frozen broccoli… I can’t even begin to imagine having to prepare special meals and snacks and all that shit. OMG. The thought is exhausting.
Avery has allergies and eczema, as does Baby Henry, but nothing serious. She has a mild pecan allergy (that we just discovered… poor kid, she lives in Georgia… how is she not going to eat pecans??? pee-cans are in everyfuckinthing…) and her eczema flares up when she eats strawberries, but other than that we are good to go. Nothing that requires an epi-pen or a household with special egg-free, gluten-free, peanut-free products. Thank god.
Anyway, I don’t think we will get around to baking them today. But, it’s on my list… Besides, if we did it today, she and The Mister may eat them all before her V-tine’s party Wednesday. Then I would have to frantically bake and re-decorate cookies tomorrow night. I’m not cutting into my t.v. time to bake cookies.
One of my daily must-reads, Mama Kat, also just went through the whole food allergy testing and the discovery of food allergies thing… And I typed a few comments to her saying something like “thank god my kids don’t have food allergies, I’m just too damned lazy…”
Total jinx.
I’m taking Henry to the doctor this morning because he has had a rash for over a week… I’m talking covering his entire body… Including his face, behind his ears, etc… He has eczema, and Avery did (hers has mostly disappeared,) but this rash doesn’t really look like eczema. But, I’m crossing my fingers that that’s all it is. Or even a virus. Hell, I’d take that. I just don’t (please, oh please, oh please, oh please) want it to be some sort of crazy ass food allergy. What if I go and they say take him off all milk products, or wheat products, or whatever… Ahhhh. My head is spinning.
So, let me run go wash my greasy hair and put on some presentable clothes, so that I can take my child to the doctor and discover (hopefully not) that I can no longer be lazy in the kitchen.
ETA: We are now going at 2:40, not this a.m… I’ll keep ya posted.
ETAA: I didn’t move it because I’m lazy and didn’t want to have to rush to get ready… Just for the record… (Not that you thought that, right? And to be honest, I only edited again so that I could see what happened with my feeds… Look to the left——> Shannie’s gone high-tech, people!)
Posted in Kitchen Sink on December 27, 2008| 10 Comments »
Pervy Santa was given to us by my step-mother and it’s absolutely disturbing adorable… You push a button and he pulls his coat open to reveal his old, wrinkly genitals to unsuspecting little children his tummy opens up to reveal a little Christmas house that spins and it recites “The Night Before Christmas.”
(Click here to see him in action…)
The kids love it. When Henry first opened it, he would play with nothing else. He would make a big “O” with his mouth and point and jump up and down. It was seriously too freaking cute. But, if you view it from just the right angle…
My sister-in-law saw us laughing at something and looked over just in time, at just that perfect angle, to only see the Santa opening up his coat… And it looked like he was flashing us… She shrieked “Oh my god! What is he doing?!?!” We all got hysterical and he was dubbed “The Flasher.”
Dirty ole Santa… He can be such a lech sometimes. Mrs. Claus must put up with a lot… I bet she drinks tons of eggnog. Pervy bastard.
Posted in Kitchen Sink on December 26, 2008| 10 Comments »
Christmas Picture Extravaganza… If you don’t like pictures, especially pictures of Christmas decorations, you might want to skip this post. Being the decorator that I am, Christmas gives me a wonderful excuse to play and have fun with decor… Although, I do admit, I didn’t do nearly as much as I usually do this year… The almost appendicitis and the chronic laziness really set me back. It usually looks like Christmas threw up on my house… In a tasteful, traditional way.
Anyway, get ready for picture overload… Here we go:
The Tree.
I now know how to become a very rich woman… Invent an invisible Christmas tree shield that keeps certain little hands away from the ornaments. The tree is now bare on the bottom. Seriously, the whole bottom quarter of the tree has not one decoration on it…
I load it up with white lights, then I wire nutcrackers deep into the tree, cover it with blown glass ornaments, ten thousand million Christmas balls (which are now about one million less, thanks to Demon Baby…,) and then add lots of crystals to catch the light…
The tree was dubbed “The Leaning Tower of Treesa” for a while… The trunk split and every day it got a little crooked-er. Thanks to a certain brilliant engineer and his amazing, mind boggling feats of engineering, we were able to bring the tree back to its full posture…
Our den tree…
And, of course the Fairy Princess Tree…
Garland, garland and more garland…
The bird on the left, the one with mange, was Grandmother’s… My fireplace garland has birds and nests, along with nutcrackers, nestled in it.
I am particularly fond of the dining room chandelier this year… This was a last minute throw up, and it turned out very nicely…
And if you’re lazy, like we all know that I am, here are some ten second Christmas decor ideas…
Just throw some balls on a table to add X-mas cheer and catch the light… I usually mix candles in there, but again, lazy… This works well anywhere… I like to do it in the china cabinet. I mix in Christmas plates, pitchers, etc… with the balls.
Or go outside and get yourself a stick (be careful not to poke yourself in the eye,) stick it in a container with some floral oasis, cover the oasis and decorate…
Another quick and easy idea that packs a punch… I usually add greenery and berries, but it’s great with just the balls alone…
And probably the quickest thing of all… This is also very pretty in glass bowls, apothecary jars, etc… I was just feeling the silver this year… (Silver pitchers and coffee pots make neat containers for cut greenery arrangements!)
Along with Christmas balls, I make good use of freshly cut greenery from the yard (or the neighbors’, or from the side of the road, and maybe even from the cemetary… shhh….) I stick holly sprigs with berries and cedar and magnolia everywhere… Like stuck in tassles tied to my bathroom towels, across the tops of mirrors, pictures, on book cases, virtually everywhere. It’s amazing how a few pieces of freshly cut greenery can Christmas up a place… If you don’t have any trees or bushes to cut from, you can always go this route… A tree strictly for cutting…
This is usually what I do for wreaths. I usually make several wreaths…. I didn’t this year. Just two. I love making them, and had quite a profitable little business selling them at one point… (I also have done some Christmas decorating for people…) It’s much cheaper to buy your own tree and make them yourself. But, you have to like to do it, or it’s just not worth it.
All you do is get a grapevine wreath and start sticking the greenery in it… I work in a clockwise motion. I usually use the tree clippings as my base, then add whatever other stuff I have on hand… Magnolia, holly, boxwood, cedar, pine, whatever…I very rarely add bows to my wreath, but I do like to add apples and put a big pineapple in the middle… The one on the front of the house is simply several different types of greenery. It’s really quite pretty and the picture does not do it justice.
(That’s the top of the garland you see at the bottom of the wreath, it’s not falling apart just yet…)
Anyway, there are some decor pics for ya… I figured if I put up anymore you guys might run. I guess I should have given Christmas decor ideas before Christmas, but oh well… We all know how lazy and late as hell I am on everything. What do ya expect? Maybe next year…
I’ll put up some pictures of the kids opening presents and all that good stuff later…
It was a fabulous Holiday! I hope yours was, too! We were all spoiled once again… And it was a zoo the whole time… A fun zoo… And now a very messy zoo. That needs to be cleaned up. (Nothing a little eggnog can’t help make more fun. Or ten cases of Bud Light Lime… You should see our recyle bin.)
Posted in Kitchen Sink on December 24, 2008| 6 Comments »
Avery kept seeing this pink tree on our many visits to our friendly neighborhood Walmartz and said it was a must have item… My mom obliged. So, the pink tree has been sitting in her room virtually undecorated. Well… I decided to faint-see it up…
Here are some more shots (and check out her cute little haircut!!)…
Cute, huh? Then Avery, being a little decorator herself, had to add her own touches…
(I usually do a smaller tree, a non-pink version, and cover it in all of her million and one hair bows. Very cute if you’re looking for a different way to deck out a little girl’s tree…)
And since I absolutely have nothing else to be doing, (I mean it’s not like my house looks like a bomb went off, or I haven’t finished my Christmas shopping, or I haven’t grocery shopped for the two meals that our entire family is coming to eat AT OUR HOUSE… Oh wait… I do have all that to be doing. Shit….) I’ll go take some other random Holiday decor pics and post them for you…
Merry Christmas Eve!!!
Posted in Kitchen Sink on December 23, 2008| 4 Comments »
This fricking fracking blog… I swear. I just keep adding to my stress by disappointing! No posts for days… Dumb, boring posts when you do get one… I better get on the ball. Or else.
Blogicide.
I hereby vow to you, my faithful readers, to be a better blogger in the New Year. To re-establish my relationship with my computer. To remember what it felt like to have to get a blog entry up twice a day… (Hell, I’d take once a day now.) To have the dedication and the want to make it happen. I vow these things to you, oh bloggy friends.
Help hold me to them. Help me remember what it feels like to be a part of this little kick ass blogging community we have here. Okay? Okay? I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want it to slip away… Damn you crackhead computer! Sorry, sorry… I know you got help. I’m working on the guilt and blame… I’m trying. I know you didn’t mean it. Mother fucker.
If you don’t hold me to it and help me out, I’ll track all your ip addresses and come kick your sorry asses. Or maybe not kick your asses… Maybe bring a bottle of liquor and get you drunk and woo you back into being my friend. How’s that?
Love to you all. Happy Holidays!
ETA: You realize this gives me a loophole of roughly 8 days, now that it’s almost midnight, right? I will totally try not to slack too much more in those 8 days. But, I do promise to kick some major blog ass in the New Year. So, if you choose to skip out on me during my 8 day free pass, fine… But, do be sure to check back on the 1st. It’ll be good. Damn good.
Posted in Kitchen Sink on December 20, 2008| 2 Comments »
This little dude is pretty smart…
This dude is not…
Nor is this couple…
Thank god for photoshop.
Posted in Kitchen Sink on December 18, 2008| 4 Comments »
Who has it? ME, ME, ME!
Who doesn’t? Oh, but there are a few of these assholes out there… We won’t talk about them just yet… (I’ll get to them, though, don’t worry. And I have a great saying for them to take to heart… If you’re going to be turd, go lay in the yard.)
While I do have plenty of Christmas cheer, and am quite in the spirit of the holiday, I still just started my Christmas shopping. Yesterday. The Mister and I have never been shop-ahead people… It’s just how we roll in the House of Shannie. We’re late shoppers.
So, on that note… I totally start shopping about this time every year. BUT, the difference this year, that may make me begin to panic very soon, is that I don’t have a clue what I’m getting anyone. It’s easy to shop late when you have a list and a plan. It’s not easy to shop late when you don’t have a damn clue what you are getting anyone.
Avery is easy… Anytime anyone asks her what Santa is bringing her, she says, “A mermaid dolly with a tail, a cupcake baker, a cookie baker, and a spaceship.” Well, most of that’s easy… I don’t know if we can afford, or would be allowed to have, a spaceship. And, of course, being three and a half, she wants most everything she sees… I think she’ll be good with whatever she winds up getting. So, I’m not worried about her. Maybe we can dazzle her with enough princess toys to make her forget that she wanted a spaceship….
Baby Henry is a little harder… We have no clue what to get him. The Mister just says “a shit load of boy toys.” I guess he’s tired of coming home to see Henry very proudly dressed up in a tiara, a feather boa and a tu-tu. So, I guess it’s tonka trucks and more tonka trucks for the little guy. Maybe throw a ride-on tractor in there….
The Mister wants stuff that I don’t have a clue about… And expensive stuff. Stuff that if I decided to get, I’d inevitably buy the wrong kind of… Do you know how many mother humping GPS systems there are out there?!?!?! I mean, you can’t just say “a new GPS,” for crying out loud. Especially for a researcher that wants it to do very specific things… You should see his list. Seriously! I have no clue what to get him, even though he actually did make me a list.
The rest of our family does have a few things hidden in the trunk of my car, but not much. Not much at all.
I also have to do goodie bags for the kids at school and gifts for the teachers… We are baking cookies today, too… And getting flu shots. FUN times.
I do plan on shortening my not yet made Christmas list a bit today, but I will have two kids in tow that just had a shot… It may not go well. So, at the very least, I plan on finishing my decorating and then putting up some pics for you guys to spread the Cheer.
P.S. It’s going to be a cooler day today… High of only 71! Maybe we will get to wear our cute Christmas sweaters at some point….
P.S.S Sorry for the boring, rambling post… I’ll be back with some funny and some pictures later.
P.S.S.S I want to make sure that I don’t get the credit for the aforementioned turd saying… (Turd is another one of those words I don’t say.) That’s all Mamalicious’, a fellow blogger… That saying just fit so well in this post, so I had to borrow it.
P.S.S.S.S. And, seriously, if you’re going to be a turd, go lay in the yard. You know who you are….
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