Archive for July, 2009

A let me load you down with useless information and random crap about what is going on here in Shannieland post.  ‘Cause I know you’ve all been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for one of these…

1.  Avery has been a rockstar this pregnancy!  She’s such a sweet and helpful thing…  And she is constantly lifting my shirt and talking to the baby, telling him important things like, “Super Tucker, only bring a couple of toys at a time into the den…  Your room is for making a mess, we try to keep our den clean.  Unless it’s Polly Pockets, then you bring all you want…”  And, “Super Tucker, I love you.  You’re the bestest baby in the world.  I can’t wait for you to get here.”  And, “Super Tucker, watch out for Henry, he’ll steal your vanilla wafers and throw them on the floor.”

2.  I think we’re going to have the baby over Thanksgiving.  Like be in the hospital on Thanksgiving…  We think it’ll be a nice break…  We won’t have to deal with the family, cooking, cleaning and all that.  Cafeteria turkey and dressing are sounding pretty damn good.

3.  The other day Avery was talking about pirates and telling us all about the swords and knives and guns and cannons, etc…, that they use.  (She’d been around her 10 year old cousin…)  I said, “Okay, enough, let’s please talk about something happy and nice…”  So, she responded with, as she cocked her little head sideways, “Okay, fine.  We’ll talk about rainbows and unicorns.”  She is so my child.  Or her dad’s.  The Mister can be quite the smart ass.

4.  Henry is now speaking a good bit.  Everything isn’t “uh-oh” or wild animal sounding screeches anymore.  Which is very nice.  Although, you can’t make out a good bit of it…  And I have to mommy translate for him…  And he talks as much as Avery…

5.  I’m finally feeling this kid in my belly a little bit.  I have an anterior placenta (for those of you who are not in the know, that means the placenta is in the front…  duh…  I mean, who doesn’t know that…,) so I can’t feel the baby that much.  Instead of kicking into me, he kicks into my placenta (that’s kind of a weird word…  say it seven or so times and see..,) making it hard to feel.  It kind of freaks me out.  So, I’m glad I’m finally starting to feel tiny nudges.  I’m 22 weeks, people.  I should be feeling this kid.  You know what a worrier I am.  (Remind me of this in about six or eight weeks when I’m complaining of not being able to sleep due to the little ninja karate kicking the shit out of me…)

6.  21414144444444444444410256+6+623055…  That was Henry.  He’s quite the mathematician.  I think he’s a baby genius. 

7.  Now that I’m drinking caffeine again (in small quantities, shut up,) I am craving beer like a son-of-a-bitch.

8.  I am seriously considering making a ticker for the countdown to consume adult beverages for my sidebar.

9.  The Mister got me some kick ass birthday presents…  Among which were two birthstone beads representing the kids for my Troll bracelet and a really pretty blue glass bead…  But, these two get honorable mentions:


Given to me by my mother-in-law.  She knows me well.  Isn’t that adorable???  It has cute little sayings all over it, one of which is “Forget the pickles and ice cream, I’m craving WINE!”  So cute.   



Given to me by Dr. G.  Mmmm….  My very own Edward….  He’s so coming out of the box tonight and I’ll be perching him on top of the Mister’s pillow and telling the Mister he’s been moved to the couch…  I also think I’ll start positioning him near me everyday when it’s about time for the Mister to come home or whatever…  And flirty laugh and bat my eyes at him and say “Oh, Edward!” a lot…  This could be lots of fun.

10.  Henry’s birthday party was a blast!  We had a giant bouncy house/slide combo thing that was here from 7:45 Friday morning to 2:45 Monday afternoon (too.damn.long.)  And not only was it monstrous, it was hideously ugly.  We got our fill of bouncing, to say the least.  The kids did enjoy it.  We also had a snow cone machine that was a big hit.  We were thinking the party would be very small, since Henry has no friends, and would be mostly filled with Avery’s friends, but he had a blow out.  Seriously, we had like 50 people here.  (Twenty of which stayed for the cookout that night…)   It was also 7,000 degrees outside.  The kids didn’t seem to mind, though.  We just kept them hydrated with sugary snow cones and juice boxes and made sure nobody passed out.





11.  I am HUGE.  And by HUGE, I mean FUCKING HUGE.

12.  The baby shower was nice.  My sister-in-law had a great time and got some really neat gifts…  It was a lot of work, but so worth it.  We all know I love giving parties…  And down here in the South, we especially do showers up right…  We break out the silver, china, crystal and the linen napkins…  There were yellow and white roses everywhere and I especially loved the little arrangements in all the little silver baby cups…  It was really a lovely affair.  I’m still tired from it.


13.  Have I mentioned that I’m craving a beer?

14.  We’ve decided to start thinking about moving.  It’d be nice if it was to a new state…. But, nooooooo…  Just to a new house.  Preferably with a rockin’ pool.  And we are considering maybe building…  But the market sucks right now, so we’ll probably wait til next summer…  Unless I can talk the Mister into doing his job from another state.  Then I’m pushing for leaving tomorrow.

13.  We are buying a minivan.  I’ve always said I did not want to drive a minivan.  I know, I know…  They’re practical, convenient and I’ll love it once I own it, blah, blah, blah….  But, if anyone knows of an SUV that will hold three full sized carseats and leave enough room where the kids won’t touch each other and you can easily get to the kid throwing up in the third row, please let me know… 

14.  You know you’ve become an adult when you are ecstatic over a new trashcan…  And buy a minivan…

15.  Henry has become obsessed with trains.  Specifically Thomas the Train and his weird, evil looking train friends…  Is it just me??  Do they not look freaky and evil, cutting their crazy train eyes at each other?  Some of them are also mean as hell…  So, we have to watch Thomas on a loop.  And if we’re not doing that, we’re playing trains.  I mean, it’d be okay if he’d just go play trains, but noooooo, you have to play with him.  I have nightmares about being trapped on Sodor Island and those freaky trains surrounding me.  The mere sight of anything Thomas is starting to make me twitch.  And if I can’t get that stupid ass “Theh two, theh fouh, theh six, theh ate…” song (that’s my attempt at typing out a British accent…) out of my head I’m going to stick a fork in my eye.  Although, I do want to take them to ride a train.  Maybe not Thomas, but a train…

16.  I gave up on cleaning the house and hired a maid.  Her name is Brenda, the Goddess of Cleaning, and she kicks ass.  It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.  My house stays spotless now.  (Just don’t go into mine or the Mister’s closets …  Oh, wait, scratch that, you can’t even open the door to mine…  Don’t go in the Mister’s… You may get lost.  Or at the very least, a concussion.  But, the rest of the house is very clean…)

17.  Nesting mode has set in and my mission is to clean said closets this weekend. 

18.  I’m ready to rid my life of people and worry that I don’t need…  Seriously, rid myself of unkind and/or bitchy people and family, crappy self-absorbed friends, bothersome neighbors, etc…  I’m purging not only my closets.  I want myself surrounded with only kindness, caring, support and love.  I’m an adult, I can pick and choose who I want to surround myself with.  I can say “fuck off” if I want to.  I’m not scared.  After all, I am pushing 40 now…

19.  Cheese and jalapenos go with just about everything…

20.  If you dribbled pee when you were pregnant with one and/or two, just wait til you’re knocked up with number three…  I need depends.  The Mister assures me I do not, but I feel like I smell like a nursing home.

21.   And you also develop the ability to grow hair like a werewolf when you’re pregnant…  Just in case nobody ever told you that.  You guys know I’m already addicted to my tweezers…  Well, they’ve been put into Wolfman overdrive.  (However, I’m not about to tweeze the new belly beard I’m sporting…  That’s saved for the razor. And is oh, so sexy.)

22.  The Mister can’t decide on a middle name for the baby…  I told him if he doesn’t decide soon, I’m doing it.  Any thoughts?  Should we have a Name That Baby contest??? 

23.  We gave away all of our baby stuff (we weren’t planning on having number three for another couple of years, ) so we have all that to re-buy.  Do you know how much crap you need with a baby???  A lot.  And I haven’t bought the first thing.  But a sleeper.  Poor baby. 

24.  The Mister is going back to the beach next week.  I’m so using the b.j. bribe to get in on that.  I think crablegs on the beach are worth a little lockjaw.

And last, but certainly not least…

25.  Dana actually had Baby Carson.  Go bombard her with comments to make her post baby pictures of her cute little man.  They’re all doing great, by the way…  Not that you would know by her lack of posting…  Lazy bitch.  What the hell else does she have to do??? 

Okay, I think that’s enough random crap for now, don’t you?  And you can’t get much more random than that…  But, I thought I’d give you the skinny on what’s been going on.  (Skinny definitely NOT being me.)  How about you guys give me some topics to write about?  That’d be fun.  And helpful.  Then maybe you wouldn’t have to endure another post like this…

Let’s end on some cute beach pictures, shall we?



(Shhh…  Don’t tell the Mister there’s a pic of him up…  He’ll never know.)


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I guess at two, we really shouldn’t be calling him “baby” anymore…  (Mostly it’s “demon” these days, anyway…)

Just wanted to put up some pics of his fun-filled party and whine about how tired I am.  I’m worn slap out…  But, I sure have eaten good…  I don’t think I’ve sat down for more than 10 minutes since Monday…  I hosted that baby shower here for my sister-in-law Thursday, had my birthday dinner Friday, Henry’s party here yesterday, cookout last night, and his real b-day today.  Whew. 

I’m ready for tomorrow to get here, so we can do nothing all day.   

Okay….  Scratch that…  I’ll share the pics tomorrow.  I’m just too damned tired.

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Is in full effect.

Just so’s ya know.  I really AM back.  And I really do have tons of good stuff to talk about, but, ehhhh…., ain’t gonna happen today, folks!  (Nor was it going to happen yesterday or the day before, obviously, huh?  BUT, my house looks great.  Of course I had to redo my bedroom and all kinds of other little stuff.  I swear, a party three or four times a year is just what the doctor ordered to make you get shit done…  Or go insane.  Either one…)

Okay, and someone please tell  me again why pregnant people can’t drink????  I could pretend I’m European…

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Okay, I’m not ready to part ways with the ole bloggity blog.  Therefore, I better get my ass back into blogging mode.  So, I am.  Seriously.  No joke.  This time I mean it.

One problem with this is catching up with all of you guys.  Wow.  It’s overwhelming…  I’m so far behind and have missed so much…  But, it probably won’t be possible this week.  As, in true Shannie fashion, I have a baby shower at my house Thursday (that I’m doing all by my lonesome…  *ahem*,) my birthday Friday (the big 3-6.  shhh…  and we’re out to dinner and to see Harry Potter!  OMG!  I’m so freaking excited!,) Henry’s birthday party here Saturday (with a big jumpy house and slides and all that fun stuff,) a big cookout here that night, then his real birthday Sunday.  And we all know I go bat shit when I have a party at my house…  Redecorating and making sure everything is perfectly done, making five page to-do lists…  This is otherwise known as going into “Crazy Shannon Party Mode.”  And I can’t even take a Xanax… 

Plus, I’m in major pain…  Something’s going on down there, but I have an appointment tomorrow to check that out…  It kind of worries me…  BUT, the kicker is the Mister is going to be out of town this week, so he won’t be around to help out.  (I guess the real kicker would be to be put on bedrest…)  Guess where he’s going?  No, not New Orleans…  But, good guess…  He’s going BACK TO THE BEACH.  Like as in back to the exact same spot we spent last week.  Fucker.  

I don’t have time to go back because of all the parties.  However, without really taking “Crazy Shannon Party Mode” into consideration, I did try to talk him into staying…  I can handle two weeks at the beach…  Easily.  Even sans alcohol while donning a giant maternity bathing moo-moo…  But, noooooooo….  The Mister had to get back to work.  Whatever.  Work, schmirk.  He’s the boss, he could  have stayed if he wanted.  That’s my theory anyway.  Not his, obviously.  I mean, he had his crackberry and his computer and was already working while there…  Come on.  I totally would have given in to some bj bribes…  Oh well.  His loss.

(In hindsight, I really couldn’t have stayed with all this stuff going on, but try telling that to a beach bum who’s presently at the beach.  The beach is like crack.  Crack, I tell you.  But, more expensive…)

The beach trip was seriously fab.  I’ve got a ton of pics and a ton of stories…  Avery was amazing, Henry on the other hand, has reverted back to Demon Baby status.  More on that later.  If his birthday wasn’t this weekend, I’d so be shipping him off to the gypsies.

Okay, now that I’ve overloaded you with random, useless information, I’ll leave you with this:

Have I mentioned that I’m excited???

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Beach Bound And….

IT’S A….


Avery was okay with it, too…  We’re just now calling the baby Super Tucker instead of Super Piper.  (We do have to correct her some, though…)  She’s just excited about having a baby, so she’s all good.  Except  she’s said, more than once, “Well, next time it will be a girl.”  Um, next time???  I think once she gets a tad older she’ll appreciate being the one and only Princess.  On both sides of the family…  She’s going to be soooo rotten. 

We’re beach bound ’til next weekend, and my goal is to come back from the beach rejuvenated and refreshed and ready to pick back up where I left off on the ole bloggity blog.  We’ll see…  Check back with me next weekend sometime.

Happy 4th, my friends!  Have some jello shots and cold beers for me, k?  I’m sure the Mister will…  Beer that is, not the jello shooters…  I don’t usually do jello shots, either.  (Not that I won’t, but I normally just go for straight liquor in my shots, thank you…  however, offer some up and I’ll gladly squish around and swallow that gelatinous, vodka-y goodness…) As a matter of fact, I don’t think I have had one since my early 20s.  Since I went to that old people’s swingers’ party that time, to be exact…  And I took them then with a smile, one after another, from one of the grannies with the sequined bikinis on roller skates, with sparklers shooting off them, delivering them around the pool area on trays…  My god, I needed all the alcohol I could get that day…  Anyway, I digress…  Please think of your dear old, blog neglecting friend, Shannie when you’re downing those frosty adult beverages this holiday weekend.  I’ll be joining you in about 145 or so days, give or take.  Man, I need a ticker….

Oh, and Shannon (MWP,) if you read this (which I don’t know why in the holy hell you would…  you’re on vacay for god’s sake…,) call me.  I’ll be down in the same area as you, my friend.  I could watch you swill frosty adult beverages as we hang out on the beach….  With me in my oh-so-lovely-maternity-bathing-moo-moo…

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