Posted in Kitchen Sink on May 30, 2008| 4 Comments »
Please…. I promise to provide lots of adult beverages…
Edited to add: What if I throw some Xanax in there, too??? (My mom is coming tonight, so it’d be the good ones…) Or offer up the Mister’s services for some yard or home maintenance? I would even be willing to get nekkid, if that’s your thing… Maybe even some nude back rubs… Seriously, just about anything goes…
Posted in Bizarre Sightings, Inside and Out, Kitchen Sink on May 30, 2008| 7 Comments »
I still have to put some new trim on the curtains to add some bright color, and hang a couple of things, and just add some little finishing touches… But, here is the big girl bedroom, almost fully complete:
The crafting/playdoh/art area:
Ignore that my child looks like a little white trash child:
Ignore that there is shit piled up on the dresser:
Okay, now I have to put the new guest room together and decorate it… Before our guests arrive… Tonight. And shop from my six page shopping list… And clean the yard, the front porch, the back porch, clean the house AND cook. Nah, I don’t have much to do at all…
Posted in Kitchen Sink on May 29, 2008| 3 Comments »
I finished the big girl room! Well, for the most part, anyway… I’ll put up some pics as soon as we get back from the store. I’m out of wipes, pullups, babyfood, formula and beer. All of the essentials…
Edited to add: I promise to put up some pics in the a.m…. I am waaaay tired… Yeah, I know, I suck.
Posted in Kitchen Sink on May 29, 2008| 3 Comments »
Please, in the name of all that is holy, stop trying to rap. Numbers In A Bag is not such a cute kids’ song. Sorry. It’s just annoying and it makes me cringe. You, my friends, are NOT rappers.
Sincerely,
A mom that really wants to like you…
ETA: I’m trying hard to find this video so that you, too, may have this horrendous song stuck in your head. Aren’t I thoughtful?
Posted in Bizarre Sightings, Kitchen Sink on May 28, 2008| 5 Comments »
That’s what I said to the Mister when I showed him Avery’s latest “art project.” It either looks like the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who the Mister obviously doesn’t know much about, or an eye. A monster eye. Or mitochondria…
Anyway, when I said that about being touched by a noodly appendage, he looked at me with this strange, frantic look. Guess that’s probably not what you want to say to the daddy of a little girl if he doesn’t know what it’s in reference to. It could sound pretty bad and not at all like something you would want your little girl to be touched with… Sorry for giving you a near heart attack, Mister.
Posted in Kitchen Sink on May 28, 2008| Leave a Comment »
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can someone please come to my house and punch me in the face and tell me the next time I do something like this before a party, I’m getting bundled in a sack and beaten with baseball bats. Actually, I would opt for that at this moment if getting the shit beaten out of me with baseball bats would end with someone coming and cleaning my house and putting it all back in order. I’d take a few slugs to the head or gut to get out of this. You wouldn’t believe the total chaos going on in my house… Chaos that I alone created. Fucking eeeediot.
Posted in Kitchen Sink on May 28, 2008| 4 Comments »
If I didn’t know before, I certainly know now…
Nothing like a party to make you get stuff crossed off your list. However, something about a party also makes me start all these crazy new lists… Putting waaaay too much on myself and the Mister. We already had ten thousand million things to do before Saturday (like some landscaping, finishing Avery’s ginormous playground thingy, laying the play area with cedar chips or whatever, basic yardwork, cleaning and scrubbing the back porch, cleaning the house, cooking, shopping, decorating, etc…) and what do I do? Just guess… I decide to rearrange. And not just rearrange some furniture. Move entire rooms. Specifically, move Avery’s bedroom into her playroom and set up a new guest room in her old bedroom. Yes, you read that right.
It is WEDNESDAY. What about this do I not understand???? I must love to torture myself because I always do stupid shit like this. D-u-m-b-a-s-s. The Mister is going to kill me. Totally not kidding. At least he’ll have to wait until Sunday.
Posted in Bizarre Sightings, Kitchen Sink on May 28, 2008| 2 Comments »
The Sand Monster…
And this is what you find when it gets too quiet… Good thing she didn’t use it all… That was momma’s diaper rash cream…
Posted in Kitchen Sink on May 27, 2008| 3 Comments »
I love looking at my blog stats and seeing what people typed into a search engine to find me… It never fails to crack me up. Today I see that someone searched for “human baby for sale” and got here.
You should have stumbled up on me about two weeks ago, we may could have worked something out.
Posted in Kitchen Sink on May 27, 2008| 3 Comments »
The trip was great! Apart from my chaffing… The kids had a blast. They loved the sand and the ocean. Henry must have especially loved the sand, because he ate it by the fist full. His diapers have been rather nice… Not sure how he avoided the sand burn… But, glad he did because that shit is painful.
Our house was GREAT. Big and nice with a little reading nook just for kids and our own little dock off the back onto a little lagoon that Avery called “Crocodile Ocean.” Pa, Daddy and the birthday girl did lots of fishing, and caught a ton of bream… Blue Gills and Shellcrackers (just in case some of you are fishermen and know what that means… I certainly do not.)
We of course drank lots, too. The beach was great in the mornings, full of families and little kids. But by noon, the partying Memorial Day young folks came out in droves. We had lots of fun people watching, one of my all time favorite things to do, and eavesdropping. There was everyone, from the rich girls in their chanel glasses and huge gold hoops, ruffled mini skirts and wedge heels to the raunchy gals with platinum hair in cut off daisy dukes with corona string bikini tops or playboy bunnies plastered on their asses. There were huge muscle-y guys covered in tattoos and little rich boys with their polos with the collars turned up, to frat boys that had long scraggly hair with cut off khaki shorts… They were shoulder to shoulder as far as the eye could see. And boy were they drunk.
There were big tents set up on the beach by sponsors, or the resort or somebody, with all sorts of pools, water gun contests and drinking contests, etc… They were pulling people off the boardwalk (people trying to escape back to one of the 19 resort pools away from the drunken kids) and getting them to funnel beer and do shots. We watched a few good natured old guys give it a try and I was sooo tempted to go up there with the baby in my arms and funnel a beer or two or do a keg stand. That would have been damn hilarious. They were pulling these unsuspecting people up thinking they couldn’t do it. A mom with a babe in arms surely wouldn’t look like someone that could pretty much drink every one of those frat boys under the table. I should have seen if there were prizes.
Anyway, it was great. We do need to adjust our beach trip expectations now, though… Going with kids is a whole new ballgame. I never realized how much we tried to pack in… Beach, pool, shopping, dinner… All in one day. Taking the kids made us slow down and relax a lot more, which is the opposite of what you would think. However, because we had the kids, we didn’t get to go out and eat tons and tons of seafood, which was a huge disappointment. The waits were insane and the kids were ready for bed… They couldn’t wait two hours for a table somewhere. It didn’t occur to us to order food to go and pick it up until the very last night… After we had eaten pizza. We actually ate fast food TWICE. At the beach. And, just to be funny, ordered a BK Big Fish. It wasn’t too funny when we got home and that was all we had to eat…
Oh well, we’ll know next time and we still had an amazing trip. Avery said her favorite part was playing in the waves. The waves looked like small tsunamis the whole time and the water was extremely rough, so she had to put on her life vest bathing suit combo thing when she went out, and Daddy had a firm grip on her… But the weather was perfect. Ahhh… I did NOT want to come home. Although, I wouldn’t have lasted too much longer with no internet. Even if I was living large on the beach.
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