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Archive for the ‘Bizarre Sightings’ Category

Doesn’t she look amazing???  Our little Gold Medalist… 

Can you  believe my little gymnast starts her first real gymnastics class tonight???  And right in time for the Olympics.  We, of course, watched last night… 

We are about to load up in the car (yes, me alone venturing out with both kids…  it’s getting easier…) and go buy some leotards. Mommy Avery wants some sparkly ones… 

Let’s hope she loves it, because this shit is expensive!

ETA:  Yup, we went to buy a leotard and she picked this not.so.cute red one with a big silver band over one shoulder with little hearts with arrows through them all over it.  I picked a sparkly royal blue one with a pink sequined top.  I’ll give you one guess as to which one we came home with…  Mommy-persuasion is a piece of cake on an easily distracted three-year-old.  “Ooooh, see the sparkles!  It’s soooo pretty!  And, look the blue matches your eyes (while discreetly tossing the ugly red one away from us and out of sight…)  Let’s take it home and wash it so we can wear it tonight!  K?  K!  Now, let’s see how fast we can run to the cash register…  GO!” 

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NOT me.

Vomit in a can…

and…

Vomit in a jar…

It’s what’s for dinner…

(Don’t ask me why this vile crap is in my house.  It must have been one of those odd impulse buys of the Mister’s.  Whatever the reason, Avery begged and I relented.  And, they cleaned their plates.  I think I’m may be sick.)

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Or Picasso…

Either way, I’ll take it!  I’m so excited about this drawing…  For three simple reasons…  One, because I’m an artist and it pleases me beyond belief that my sweet girl loves to draw and paint…  Two, because she is finally drawing stuff that you can actually recognize…  And, three, because my little artist actually drew this on something that she was supposed to…  (Shannon, you’ll be pleased to know this!  She didn’t create a masterpiece on the wall, the floor, the door, herself, her brother, the table or any other furniture or on any rugs!  YAY, Avery!)

Can you tell what it is???  On the right side she has drawn a big sister, wearing glasses (so that she can read all of her books,) ringing a bell!  No idea what that other thing to the left is…  Let me ask her…  Hold on… 

Okay, apparently, it’s a Mommy holding a baby.  Looks more like a smushed birthday cake, or maybe a hamburger, to me…  But, it’s her drawing, so I’ll take her word for it…  Okay, and she has now launched into a very long story about the big sister and her Mommy…   I need to get out the video cramra (as she used to say…  Not anymore, though…  They get big so quickly.  *Sigh*)

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…from The Birthday and from The Big Freak Out 2008…

The Birthday Weekend was so much freaking fun.  Little Henry had a blast.  I’ll of course overload you with Birthday Boy pics in just a sec…  He was showered with tons of affection and gifts and we had lots of good food, drink, etc…!  And we swam the entire weekend, rode on the boat, tubed, skiied, rode horses, chased chickens, the whole nine yards.  The weather was perfect!  And, that boy made out like a bandit, let me tell you!  He finally will have some decent toys…  That aren’t pink and hand-me-downs from Avery. 

My step-mother made this cake for him for the party at their house Sat…  Sooo stinkin’ cute!

Tate and Avery on Rocky… 

Henry demolishing that adorable cake…

His big party yesterday…

(I’ve been trying to put up a video that I shot of him eating cake right here, but I’m sick of screwing with it…  Oh well.  I’ll try again later.  User error, I’m sure.  Damn.)

Oh, and Little Henry has started taking some steps!  I might not be so excited about this next week…  However, I can’t imagine that he could walk any faster than he can crawl…  Being the gold medalist speed crawler that he is and all…  I don’t know though, maybe we should just start pushing him down until we are sure we’re ready for another walker.  (Notice the Little Henry???  I’m working on stopping calling him Baby Henry…  Everyone calls him that now and some even call him BH for short.  Um, yuck.  No.  Avery has even started calling hm that every now and then.  Gotta nip that shit with a quickness.  BH.  GA-ross.)

We did have one small blip in the fun portion of our weekend, though…  I’m calling it The Big Freak Out 2008.  Simply because I freaked.the.fuck.out.  Srsly.  Everyone here did…  We had our very first blood-gushing head injury.  Right as we had the car loaded full of food, party goods, decorations, etc… and were heading out to the lake to set up for The Party. 

I’d been waiting on it to happen…  Avery is so rough and tumble.  She’s quite the daredevil and absolutely does not look where she is stepping, putting her hands, where she may land, etc…  We’ve had many a goose-egg, but never this.  I thought I would handle it much better than I did.  Honestly, I really thought I would be semi-calm.  Um, hell to the no.  Not how it happened at all.

I heard this very loud bang and waited for a second for the screams (you other moms out there know what I’m talking about…)  When there was no immediate wailing, I let out a big sigh of relief and was going on about my business…  It was so loud that I thought to myself there is no way that could have been someone’s head…  Well, yes.  Yes, it was.  It was Avery’s head.  I think she was too stunned to cry for a few seconds, but then I heard her…

She was jumping on some ginormous stuffed hippo (that we had to remove from her room because if the coyotes aren’t getting her at night, she sees giant, scary hippopotamus shadows…) and bounced off of him and flew into a chest.  She came running and I went running for her to pick her up and kiss her booboo.  She was pretty hysterical by the time I got her and I hugged her close and asked her what happened.  As soon as I pulled my hands away from the back of her head, I saw it.  Blood.  Everywhere.  Pouring down her back.  Oh.My.God. 

So, what did I do?  I put my child on the floor, who at this point just wanted to be held because she was in pain, and ran.  RAN.  In circles.  Screaming.  Yep.  Did not hold it together at all…  I was a freaking crazy woman….  I was running around screaming “OH MY GOD!  OH MY GOD!  OH MY GOD!” and yelling the Mister’s name…  My nephew, who had been playing with her, also freaked the hell out…  He started crying and screaming just like me.  Except he was yelling stuff like  “It’s all my fault!  It’s all my fault!  They’ll never forgive me!  OH GOD, SHE’S ONLY THREE!” while also running in circles. 

The Mister came in and almost freaked out when he saw the blood gushing down her back, but somehow managed to keep it all together…  Her dress was soaked, her hair was soaked…  I just couldn’t bare to look.  I was seriously prepared to see her little skull bashed in or her brains or something, there was that much blood. 

I tried to call my good friend, Dr. C (not to be confused with Dr. G…, who is in freaking California right now!!!  Jealous…) because she lives like three houses down, but she wasn’t home.  I was totally going to make her come look.  (She is having a baby today!  YAY, Em!  She doesn’t read this blog, but still congrats to her!)  She did leave a message about two hours later asking me to call her and that head injuries bleed like all get out…  I’m sure she was thinking she had better things to do yesterday afternoon…  Like prepare for BIRTH. 

Anyway, the Mister stepped in the House of Crazy and took over the situation.  He did wind up yelling at the top of his lungs “EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP!”  He couldn’t get out of us what had even happened.  Later, my nephew told me that I ran smack into a wall during my psychotic running and screaming…  I wouldn’t doubt it.  He was almost as upset as me…  He had been playing with her and I really think he thought that it was slightly his fault.  It totally wasn’t.  I almost went outside and threw up, and by the look of Tate’s pale, white face, I’m sure he probably could have too.  Sweet boy. 

The Mister finally got the bleeding to stop and parted her matted, red hair enough to see the wound…  It’s not even half an inch long.  Seriously.  If that.  I still think she needed a stitch, but the Mister said no.  And, Avery also did not like that idea one bit…  (Yeah, note to self, next time we have an injury of this type, not only do I need to try really hard to stay calm, I do not need to repeatedly use the terms “hospital,” “doctor,” or “stitches.”)  So, in the tub she went and on to the party, free of any visible evidence of the accident.  (Of course at this point, all the guests had already arrived and were waiting on us…)

Although, when she showed up she had been rubbing her head on the carseat and opened the cut.  It had started bleeding again and her hair was all bloody and matted once more.  But, we threw her in the lake with her friends and she forgot all about it.  Not me, though…  I could puke right now just thinking of it.  Thank god my mom was here with her Giant Bag of Tricks.  I was out of Xanax.

These are after Mister started cleaning her up…  He had gotten most all of it out of hair and off of her back, but you get the picture… 

Let’s hope that I learned my lesson, though…  Do not freak out when your children are injured…  The Mister asked me what the hell I would do if something like that happened during the day…  Well, I’m willing to bet I would turn into a raving lunatic for about three minutes, then remember The Big Freak Out 2008 and calm my ass down.  Hopefully, I’ll have some Xanax handy.  Or better yet, let’s hope it doesn’t happen again…

So, this week is going to be low key with nothing on our calender…  I’m relieved.  This house is a disaster and it will probably take me all day just to straighten it…  That’s about all I have on the agenda for the day.  Sounds fun, huh?  Apart from the cleaning bit, having nothing to do actually does sound fun at the moment. 

Oh, and, after over-indulging during The Week of Me and The Birthday Weekend, I stupidly stepped on the scale this morning.  And cried.  And cried.  Needless to say, Operation Skinny Bitch is being put back into action pronto.  So, I’ll be doing some of my least favorite things today…  Cleaning, laundry and not eating.  Aren’t you jealous?

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I cannot believe that you are ONE today!!!! Wow. You are getting to be such a big boy. We won’t be able to call you Baby Henry much longer… We love you so very much, little man!

His actual party is tomorrow, but we are going to my dad’s today for swimming and a small party there… I have tons to do, tons of family coming into town, a house to clean, sheets to change, cakes to pick up and presents to buy (Yeah, I know… We shouldn’t wait until the last minute…) I’ll be back with some more pics for Birthday Boy Picture Overload Day.

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My birthday has been great!  It’s been another amazing year!  (I cannot deny being an “adult” much longer…  I’m now officially there, I guess.  35…  It’s also the start of advanced maternal age.  Yay.)  I consider the entire week my birthday (the big day was actually yesterday.) 

The Week of Me has been ultra, super, fab and fun this year! Packed full of my favorites…  And, all to be had in Savannah, one of my all-time favorite cities…  (Here goes my Week of Me Favorites post.  Sort of like Oprah, but not really at all…) 

Lots of yummy food…

Good drink…  (We drank our fair share of Moon River’s wheat beer…  It was just a few doors away from our hotel and you can walk with a to-go cup.  Drunken shopping!  Woohoo!  Oh, and the brewery is haunted!)

Great company…  (The best ever!)

Fab presents…  (The Mister did this all on his own.  I was shocked as hell!  He must be tired of seeing my hair screwed up in a “messy bun.”  Yes, it is a fucking hairstyle!)

And, it’s about to wind down with happy hour with BFF Laura!  A fitting way to end my birthday week, don’t ya think?  (That was all it took to perk me right up!)  Normally, it would continue on until Sunday, but since Henry’s first birthday is tomorrow, I guess I’ll let him have some of the spotlight…

ETA:  A fuck in there…  Because it’s my party and I can say what I want to…

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Did you know that if you eat enough watermelon, it will stain your face? You do now…

He looks like a member of the Lollipop Guild… Although, I have to say, he was actually loving the princess crown (he loves tutus, high-heels, jewelry, boas, all things dress up…,) he was just unhappy here because he couldn’t get it on his head. I bet, though, if the Mister had to describe this scene, he would say he was unhappy because the tiara was on his head in the first place… Nope. He had been sporting it for a while at that point.  The boy loves him some shiny dress up clothes.

Edited to fix the TYPO in the effin’ TITLE!!!!!!!!!!  Ahhh!

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