Food. It’s what’s not for dinner….
That’s my new diet plan…
Seriously. I’m just cutting out the calories altogether. No food for this gal. Maybe some liquid refreshment of the adult variety here and there… But, I’m cutting my caloric intake by, oh, about 99%. Yeah, yeah… I know. It’s bad for me. I’ll be unhealthy… But, I’ll be skinny.
Besides, I’ll take a vitamin.
In other Shannieland news…
The Little Hoochie is two months old today. Wow. I can’t believe that two months have passed by. He’s such a sweetie. I swear he is the best baby on the planet. And he’s getting to be such a chunk! Chubby cheeks, chubby thighs… I could just eat him up. (And that’s about all I’m going to be eating up… Remember, anorexia nervosa…) He seriously is such a joy! It’s like he’s always been here… He just fits right into our little family. I was so meant to be a mom of three.
(Although, and keep this on the way down low, I’m teasing the Mister relentlessly about being knocked up with number four… We, um, had our first post-baby “relations,” and forgot to, um, be careful. Yeah, I know. We’re idiots. It’s just that we’re so used to thinking I can’t get pregnant… I guess we momentarily forgot that I just recently conceived and gave birth to a bouncing baby boy without the help of a fertility specialist. So, I’m teasing him constantly about having Irish twins. Jokes on me if I really am pregnant… How funny would that be?!?! Not at all, actually… But, two ‘oops’-es after two in-vitros would be a nice story to tell… In, oh, about three years… So, maybe I actually was meant to be a mom of four… God, I joke about this now…)
And… Two weeks from today we leave for DISNEY. Yes, I’m back in Disney obsession mode. Just ask any of my real-life friends… Can’t WAIT to get there. And I’ve gone Disney outfit crazy. Not for me. For The Princess. Outfits like this:
They would look pretty stupid on me.
Plus I’m too fat.
And that brings me back to my anorexia… How much weight can I lose in two weeks? Enough to not look pregnant anymore??? Because I’d love to not be wearing maternity clothes at The Most Magical Place On Earth. Wonder how well the no eating thing will work??? I’ll let ya know. I may never eat again if it works.
(The occasional adult beverage thing is serious business, too, folks… Even more so than the no food thing… Part of my no fat/no calorie regimen will include only enjoying beer two nights a week. Yes, only two… Two times a week, not two beers… Because I can’t have two beers… If I have even one, I have to have 7. Or 9. Or 12… And this occasional adult beverage deal doesn’t include the vodka… Because we all know that when you pair the vodka with diet tonic, it’s just like drinking water. Right? Right.)
OH, and another cool thing about today… It’s Dr. G’s birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DR. G! Good thing she reminded me… By bringing her own birthday cake to my house last night… Yeah. I’m a kick ass friend… We’re celebrating tonight with Mexican. Which I may or may not eat… Anorexia may have to wait til tomorrow. I think Dr. G’s worth it. Then I’ll get busy becoming a pasty waif with my bad anorexic self.
Wish me luck, my friends. Wish me luck.