Yeah… Thanks, Dad.
Avery’s new PONY. Yes. Avery has her very own pet PONY now. How the fuck do you top that???? Seriously… How???? I mean, just look at those faces!
And not only does she now have a fucking PONY (which is very sweet and cute and we adore him, but that’s beside the point…,) they told her the pony could live at our house. Yeah… Um, NO.
When I got on the phone with them, my stepmom said, “She can just bring the pony to your house to live.” I sat there in silence and sort of laughed a nervous laugh… They live on a farm. A working farm, with cows and horses and chickens and goats (and alligators… not really one of the “farm” animals, per se, but they deserve a mention.) We live in a NEIGHBORHOOD. A sort of snooty neighborhood. A neighborhood where if your bushes get too high or you don’t have your flowerbeds up to par, someone *cough*NosyNeighbor#1*cough* complains. And in this neighborhood, we live on an acre and a half. An acre and a half that is not fenced in… An acre and half that is partly woods. Anyway, you can see why Honey can’t come to live with us. Surely it’s quite obvious, right? Plus, we don’t even own a fish… Why would we want a HORSE to take care of? AND, I wouldn’t send a fish to live with someone without asking first, much less a HORSE.
All of this makes perfect sense in my mind… And while it was sweet and thoughtful and loving of them to do, seriously, what.the.fuck? Pony at your house, GREAT. You live on a farm and have fifty horses already. Pony at our house, not.so.great.
So, they tell Avery they’ve bought her a pony and that it can come live with her at her house… I get on the phone and she tells me she just told her that…
Me: “Um, *nervous laugh* that’s okay… We’ll just let the pony live there.”
Her: “No, really… She can keep it there!”
Me: *nervous laugh* “No, really, we can’t keep a pony here.”
Her: “Sure you can! It’s like a big dog.”
Um…. It’s not like a big dog, it’s like a LITTLE HORSE. Biiiig difference in my book.
Me: “No, really, it can just stay there.”
Her: “Just put a fence up and it will be fine.”
Me: “It’s against our neighborhood covenants.”
Her: “Huh? What?”
Me: “It’s against the neighborhood covenants. We can’t have a pony in our back yard.”
Her: *silence for a few seconds* “Well, that’s not FAIR.”
She did say later that if she had known it was against the covenants she wouldn’t have told her that… But, what a thing to spring on someone… “SURPRISE! Here’s a pet PONY! Now, just fence in your yard, build a barn, buy some horse feed, feed it, brush it, shovel horse shit, take care of it daily… You know you can never go out of town again now, right? And did I mention that you need a trailer? Which will be a huuuuge pain the ass to load him into… OH, and the vet bills are astronomical… But, it’ll be SO MUCH FUN!” In her defense, we do live out of town, sort of in the country (but still only five or ten minutes from town, so not really in the country…,) and everyone around here (outside of the neighborhoods) has horses. It’s kind of a horse farm-y type area… Regardless, we’re not on a horse farm, we’re in a neighborhood.
And on top of us having to be the bad guys and say no to the pony living with us, like I said earlier, how will we EVER top that? The only thing I can think of that might even remotely come close is permanent residence in Cinderella’s Castle at DisneyWorld. And that’s still a maybe… But, hmmm…. It will be damn funny watching my mom try.