Never leave an unpotty-trained toddler boy without a diaper for any length of time. He may just turn into a human fountain (a fancy one that spins) and cover the entire bathroom with pee.
A penis fountain, even a tiny toddler sized one, can somehow miraculously spray almost to the ceiling.
Never leave a box of toothpicks anywhere near the hands of small children. They will poke the shit out of each other, leaving little pin prick size bruises. And also poke the shit out of your ass.
It is almost possible to eat an entire 9×13 pan of homemade banana pudding. I am trying again tonight just to see if it can, indeed, be accomplished.
If you give a toddler boy a badminton racket, he will beat the shit out of anything around… His sister, the pictures on the dresser, the coffee table, the t.v… And will somehow find said badminton racket no matter how many times you take it and hide it.
It might be a good idea to never start a Thomas the Train obsession in a toddler boy. Just a heads up.
Four-year-old girls can be as emotional and dramatic as teenagers.
Four-year-old girls can be as sassy and smartass-y as teenagers. (Although, she’s mostly sweet.)
Four-year-old girls are waaaay smarter than you think they are…
A bandaid can fix just about anything that is ailing a kid.
A twelve pack of beer can do the same thing for adults. (Come on, November…)
Never assume that just because your kid pooped minutes before leaving the house, that it’s safe to leave to run errands sans diaper wipes.
Never assume that just because you left the house without diaper wipes that you are helpless… Socks, shorts, grocery sacks and even an old stuffed toy can all be used in a pinch. And then replaced…
Never, ever assume that your child can wipe their own ass well enough to pass inspection before the age of five.
Just a few lessons we’ve learned over here in Shannieland recently. Thought I’d just FYI ya.
Did I mention I’m ready for November?