Because I think I need one.
Although, my house is pretty spotless from having a partay this past weekend… But, I’m afraid I can’t keep it that way without some professional help.
One day last week, my mother-in-law rang the doorbell… We let her in and Avery excitedly, but quietly, asks me, “Mom, can I say it?” I had no clue what she was talking about, so I asked her what she wanted to say… “You know. Can I say it now? Please?” I asked again what she was talking about… “You know, ‘ignore my house!’” was her response.
I stifled a laugh and she turned to my mother-in-law and said, in her very best hostess voice, “Come on in! But, ignore my house!”
I must say that a lot… For the record, though, my house is never really that bad… (Except for maybe the Mister’s bathroom.) That’s just my way of saying, ‘please overlook the pile of laundry and the toy explosion.’ But, the fact that Avery thinks that is what you say when you greet anyone at the door, makes me think I better either stop saying it or make sure that the laundry chair is clear. Probably more realistic to just stop saying it… Unless I do hire a new house keeper and she can keep the laundry chair free of laundry.
The house keeper must also come very early in the mornings, because I am no morning person, and help with the getting ready for school bit… Yesterday, I skidded into school on two wheels to make drop off, then took my little white trash baby to the grocery store in his footie pajamas… (You’d actually be surprised how many non-white trash babies you see sporting their pjs at the fru-fru grocery store.)
Then, when I got back to school to retrieve my child, the teacher says, “Avery tell Momma what you forgot today.” Um, oh shit, I thought, her folder? They have a folder that they bring in their backpack every day… No, I see the folder… Um, her juice box?? “Oh my god! I sent her with nothing to drink?!?!” That wasn’t it either.
The teacher leaned down and prompted her again, “Tell Mommy what you forgot this morning. You know, when you went potty…” OH SHIT. I FORGOT UNDERWEAR. And I said that out loud. I did at least mouth the word ‘shit.’ The teacher laughed and said, “Yep. No panties.” Oh.My.God. Mom of the Day is going to me for yesterday, people. Forget about winning it yourselves.
Luckily they had some panties in her back up clothes, so my poor child didn’t have to go commando all day long. Especially while she played on the playground. In her jeans.
Thankfully, the teacher was laughing and said, “She’s not the first and she won’t be the last.” And somehow, that make me feel just a little bit better. Actually, it made me feel a lot better. At least I’m not the only Mom of the Year who has sent their kids to school with no fucking underwear on…
See, people. I need help. I’m starting my search today.