I guess it’s time for me to get back to the real world, huh? Seein’ as how I’ve been in the same pajamas since I got home at 3am on Friday morning. No shit. You obviously need some serious recovery time once you get home. I felt great while there. Who knew? I mean, who would have guessed that being an out of shape semi-alky, lazy ass might make the recovery period a little longer?
So… I thought I’d put up some Disney pics and give you some of the ins and outs of the parks.
First, let’s go over a few insider tips and tidbits of info, shall we?
1. There are only five types of shoes that are preferred while at Disney:
-Keens, Tivas, or something along those lines
-Five inch platform sandals, preferably that tie around the ankle
-Pointy toe boots
2. If you are a beautiful, tall model-y type of Asian decent:
-You must wear dark tights.
-You must also wear a very short many skirt.
4. Micro-minis are back in style and are all the rage amongst Disney goers.
5. Something goes haywire in your brain and you want your entire family, adults included, to wear an article of clothing/and or accessory everyday that has something Disney on it… Like a Mickey Mouse shirt, cute Minnie Mouse skirts, Tinkerbell outfits, socks with the Disney insignia, big Disney pins and buttons and/or crocs that have mouse heads for the holes. It becomes a must.
6. Adults and/or midgets dressed in hot ass character costumes make you squeal in delight and run towards them like you’ve just seen Brad Pitt naked on the beach motioning for you to come rub him down with suntan lotion.
7. You love boring, kiddie rides and will wait in line for hours just to ride them for 2.7 minutes.
8. You plan your day more carefully than the Volturi plan an attack on the Cullens.
9. Looking like a tourist doesn’t exist here. You must walk around covered in Disney paraphernalia with a map in hand, snapping pictures and pointing all.day.long. And, being covered in Disney paraphernalia and/or clothes and accessories doesn’t make you look like a tourist, it makes you look like a devoted fan. You scoff at people who have nothing representing Disney on their person.
10. I don’t think the CIA has ever planned any mission as well as you have to plan for your dining reservations. It takes more planning and research than NASA puts into a trip to the freaking moon. And you need to do it early. Do.Not.Wait. to make your reservations. I repeat, Do.Not.Wait. Do your research and call as soon as they open reservations for your trip. Or you’ll be eating with mediocre characters…
11. Magically, the need to consume alcoholic beverages is all but forgotten while in the Magic Kingdom. This only applies to the Magic Kingdom, as it’s the only dry park…
12. Tomorrowland as a whole sucks.
13. Nobody cares about your hair or your makeup. Both look like shit by mid-morning, so why bother? But, there are those that do. And we secretly snickered at them. But, then wished that we had perfect hair and makeup, too.
14. If you don’t like children or strollers, this is not the place for you.
15. Take advantage of the babycare facilities. Seriously. You will trek across the entire park to find one, once you’ve discovered them. This is one of the biggest forms of Disney magic there is. Forget getting to ride in a parade or getting picked out of the park to take a tour with a Princess… I’ll take one of their babychanging facilities any day. Hmmm… Park tour with the ghost of Walt Disney, or babycare facility??? No question. Give me sanitary, doctor’s office exam table sized changing tables with big ass paper pads, hot water, microwaves, hand sanitizer, t.v. and tables for the bigger kids and a “Cast Member” that walks behind you wiping up shit with a Clorox wipe any day…
16. Every penny spent while there is worth it.
17. A $10.00 balloon is worth it. And a $10.00 beer is especially worth it…
18. Your arms could fall off from carrying children. If they aren’t stroller riders, and are small enough to do so, start training them beforehand just as hard as if you’re going to be in the mother fucking stroller Olympics. You can magically walk 47,256 miles a day, but your kids can’t…
19. Everywhere you look, you think you recognize someone and you are constantly asking others in your party “Does that person look familiar to you?” (And there were some people there that we actually do know. Weird.)
20. You need at least three days to recuperate upon returning home. At least. And you totally have Disney withdrawal, and after Disney depression. Be prepared.
Oh, and I’m not going to list this, because most people aren’t total freaks of nature like I am, but I cried. Everyday. A lot. You guys knew to expect that, though. It did get better towards the end of the trip, thank god…
Okay, moving right along to some pics… If there is anything you would like to see in particular, let me know. Because I more than likely have a picture of it. More than one… You do realize that I’m still on a Disney high, don’t you? That means you guys are just going to have to suffer through a week long Disney posting spree. And I literally have hundreds of pictures and videos. Hundreds of pictures that I’m going to make you all look at. K? K.
Here we go:
StTinkerbell seeing herself for the first time in the mirror at Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. Yes, she’s spoiled. The Mister is mostly to blame… (But that’s okay, we like it that way!) That place was amazing.
We totally surprised her with a trip there and did it on the same morning as we did our Princess Breakfast.
Just a cute few of Henry to throw in there… (Because this trip really was all about The Princess. I’m not gonna lie.) But, I figured I needed to balance it out a little…
He really did like the goats at the Animal Kingdom’s petting zoo. A lot. Like, a lot, a lot. Especially this little guy. We had to stop him from accosting them. I’m surprised one didn’t turn around and bite his little ass.
And here’s the little guy at the cool “underground” playground at Hollywood Studios. (Although, the Mister just informed me, we weren’t just supposed to be underground, we were supposed to feel like we had shrunk… Whatever. “Underground playground” still works for me.) He was very happy to find his own little kid part of that…
See how happy he is… (And check out that dangerously close to exploding diaper!)
He wasn’t always happy, though. He pitched a holy hell, kicking and screaming fit when you pulled him off of a ride. Any ride. I’ll dig through the videos and see if I captured that.
And I’ll finally stop boring you to tears end this already monstrous post with some pics of Magic Kingdom, since it’s the most iconic. I’ll put more up later, in some of my other ten thousand, too long Disney posts later this week, okay? This is damn entry is going to turn people away it’s so long.
And I’ll finally end it with a notsoprofessional (read: shitty) video of the fireworks that I took from a notsoideal spot with my camera. Don’t worry it’s just a snippet. However, the Mister did a spectacular job filming the whole show from the front of the castle with the video camera… It’s only about 15 or 20 minutes. I could put that up for you if you like. (If you haven’t already wasted enough time on this big ass entry already, that is…)
Okay, I now have carpal tunnel….