Well, I definitely deserved two awards yesterday… If they had been handing out the Crappiest Mother of the Day and the Crappiest Friend of the Day awards, I’d have left the other nominees in the dust. No kidding.
I nearly cut off my sweet child’s toe and I totally flaked on Dr. G’s birthday…
Not only did I forget it was her birthday, but I made her cook her own dinner and put dietary stipulations on it… I talked to her earlier in the day, twice even, I think, making plans for this dinner and never even remembered it was her freaking birthday.
I didn’t even realize my mistake until after she had already prepared most of her own birthday dinner… A diet birthday dinner, no less. She’s not on a diet. (Dr. G, I know you like to cook, and I know it gave you a reason, and you wanted to cook light, but still… I suck.)
Luckily Mr. G showed up at gymnastics before she did and clued me in… So, I could scream “Happy Birthday! Haha, bet you thought I forgot! Gotcha! I didn’t mention it on purpose! Surprise!!” when she got there… (That’s not true. I fessed up and felt like a real shit.)
And as far as Avery’s toe, she’s lucky it’s still attached. We were at gymnastics and she had to potty, so I was opening the big heavy door to let her back out into the gym area and opened that big heavy door right on her toe. I didn’t even realize I had done it, either…. She looked up at me with this awful look on her face and said, “Mommy, why did you do that???” We both looked down and her big toe was just gushing blood.
And then the wailing started. From both of us. Oh.my.god. I really thought I’d cut her toe off. Or at least cut it so badly that it would require major stitches. I snatched her up, expecting it to be dangling by a thread, and didn’t really know where to go… Instead of running toward the Mister, or Dr. G, or the ice at the snack bar or the sinks in the bathroom, I ran the opposite direction. Towards the office… I guess I saw the phone and thought I might need to call the ambulance. I don’t know… We already know I don’t do well in emergency situations that involve blood and my children….
So, I ran towards the office counter, thinking frantically, Shit! Shit! Shit! I’ve cut her toe off! and the nice lady that works there said, very calmly, “It happens all the time.” Huh? Wouldn’t you think that they would do something about that door if kids’ toes are constantly being cut off??? She gave me some first aid stuff and said I could sit her up on the counter. I snatched some tissues and applied pressure, too scared to look at the actual damage I’d inflicted. It had to be dangling…
Thank god Dr. G switched Sophie to Avery’s class… She ran to the rescue and han’iled it. She applied pressure until the bleeding stopped enough to assess and told me she didn’t think stitches were necessary… AND she produced a Princess bandaid. Man, that Dr. G! Rocking the wounds and carrying Princess bandaids, too! And I forgot her birthday…
Of course, Avery was in hysterics, as was I… She put her sweet little hands on either side of my face and said, with her own tears rolling down her cheeks, “Mommy, it’s okay. Please stop crying.” Awww. Then she wiped my tears away. My how I love that child. And I cut her toe off. (Another mom actually walked up to tell me she had done the same thing and had taken off her daughter’s entire toenail. They need to do something about that toe amputating door, dammit. I’m starting a petition.)
(To top it all off, I had popped Avery’s fanny earlier in the afternoon that left a hand print for fifteen minutes. I cried about that, too, and was still feeling guilty about it… Then the toe thing happened. It was not a good Mommy Day.)
So, with the toe intact and all mended with the Princess bandaid, we loaded up to head to Dr. G’s for her birthday dinner… That I didn’t realize was her birthday dinner… And we proceeded to get drunk. And eat cake. Two pieces of cake… Sorry OSB, but I needed some comfort.
Anyway, so, you see… When I discovered that Dana had bestowed an Award upon me, it made my morning… It’s a new day today. Hopefully, I will not cut off any of my childrens’ appendages or forget any of my friends’ birthdays… And I got an Award to start my day with a smile!
Thank you, Dana! You rock! And not just because you gave me an Award, either…. Because you have a kick ass blog and you are one of the best friends a gal can have. XOXO
Here’s the Award:
And here are the rules:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show GREAT ATTITUDE and/or GRATITUDE!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.
And those I am sharing this lovely award with are (and trying not to repeat from the ones Dana gave it to…):
Coco’s Cuckoo World (Because we have so much in common. And she’s wicked funny.)
And So It Goes. (Maybe it will bring her back from her vacation break. That’s a long break there, Lisa… *ahem*)
More Wine Please (Love you, girlie!)
The Road I’m On… (Love her! She’s a very good read.)
Peaces Of Cake (She’s back! And more delicious than ever.)
Mama’s Other Side (Sissy, you get two, because you rock that much. I saw Dana hit your other blog.)
My Aussie Antics (Because she’s funny AND I love her Australian accent… Not that I’ve ever talked with her in person… You just can’t read her blog without reading it with an Aussie accent… Go see. Bet you can’t do it.)
LuLu’s Fortune Cookie (She’s nuts. In a good way.)
Bad Mommy (Because I feel bad for never sending her Quizno’s… Plus, she’s awesomely funny, in the bad twisted kind of way that I dig.)
Not Perfect But Just Right (Welcome back! We’ve missed your funny ass.)
There ya go. That’s ten. I love you all. And wish I could bestow this Award upon more of you. But, I can’t. I never break the rules. (Yeah, right. I’m just lazy and linking up even that ten was too much work for me. Damn. I must go lay down.)
Thanks again, Dana! Love you!