What is it with the neighbors that makes them so mysterious? I’ve begun to suspect vampires or werewolves or something… Seriously. They just don’t seem, I don’t know, normal.
You never see them. You never even see the giant, bad ass, bully, cussing kid anymore… The mom was about to remarry (for at least the fifth time) and they finished the attic for some new bedrooms and built a pool. Then the man disappeared. Along with his little kid. That seems to happen a lot. Hmmm…..
She is pasty white, she stays away from everyone… She makes everyone uncomfortable, except for men she is flirting with… She goes through boyfriends like underwear. Something is off in the way she looks… Something you just can’t quite put your finger on. She seems pretty from a distance, but then up close, I don’t know. Something’s just off.
I swear the woman has talked to me once in the five years we’ve lived here and that was when I caught her off guard and spoke first. Which is hard to accomplish… We all know how much I talk. But, she avoids everyone at all costs. Which has annoyed me to no end. You know I have to befriend everyone. I should have considered an alternate theory before now. I’ve been so stupid.
So, I’m sitting here thinking about this mystery and hit me. Like a ton of bricks. Vampire. And not the good kind. No other explanation, right? It must be true. She feeds on her revolving door of human boyfriends. It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I’ve never seen it before. I mean, seriously. I’ve been blind. It’s like I just opened my eyes for the very first time. It all makes perfect sense.
That big ass bully kid of hers doesn’t change, either. He’s always been a big ass, giant bully kid. I have no clue how old he is. He could be eight, he could be fourteen. It’s very hard to tell. And he looks the exact same as he did five years ago.
I seriously cannot believe I never saw this… Well, I do have to figure out the whole sunlight thing. We live in Georgia, there’s lots of it here… She says she’s a nurse… Maybe she puts some sort of synthetic covering or lotion over her exposed areas during the daylight… I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out.
It’s all clicking. It all makes sense. Unless… Unless… No. That can’t be it. No! Do you think? Maybe… Maybe. I guess I could be overreacting… I guess. Do you think the fact that I just read the entire Twilight series in a week may be influencing me? Maybe making me dream up some wild story for her oddities? Maybe. It’s just too coincidental. Too many tell-tale signs…
Hmm… Let me rethink it. Okay. Deep breath… Am I going crazy? Yes? Maybe? Maybe… Naaaaah.
Hell no. That bitch is a vampire. Definitely.
I better keep this on the downlow. I’m quite sure she’s no damn vegetarian.