I’m going to write out the dialog of a whacked out, nutty ass conversation I just had with Nosy Neighbor #2.
My mom took the kids to see Avery’s Amigos. Which means, she took them to the mexican restaurant around the corner that we frequent and the waiters/workers have befriended her… She’s their little Amiga. They give her hugs and kisses and gifts. If we go too long without going, Avery will say she misses them… Anyway, we usually go every Monday after gymnastics..
So, Mom surprised us and said she would do gymnastics and the Amigos and we could go to dinner sans kids for our anniversary. Very sweet of my mom. I called her to check on them and she answered the phone laughing saying that they were doing fine… That the kids had been eating cheese dip with a spoon. She also said that they were sitting by someone who knows us with a daughter named Casey. I told her that was Nosy Neighbor #2’s family… She knows of her nuttiness and just grumbled “greeaaaaaat.”
Anyway, we got home, mom said they had fun and all was well… This morning, I sent out a mass email, that included Nosy Neighbor #2, asking if anyone had any numbers for sitters because we desperately need one for Thursday evening… The phone rings, almost immediately after I hit send, and here is the conversation:
NN#2: (in a nasty, sarcastic tone) Why don’t you just ask your sitter last night to come back?
Me: Excuse me?
NN#2: (same tone) I said, what’s wrong with that sitter from last night, huh?
Me: I’m sorry?
NN#2: It’s me, NN#2!
Me: Oh yeah, she told me she ran into you last night.
NN#2: WHO was that crazy woman? I mean, seriously. WHO takes kids out to a mexcian restaurant like that???
Me: (laughing, because I knew she was trying to be bitchy) Well, that’s what we do every Monday after gymnastics.
NN#2: Oh. Well, I would have taken them to McDonald’s. That’s just bizarre.
Me: Why? That’s what we always do on Mondays.
NN#2: (still bitchy tone… that lasted the whole conversation. as a matter of fact, I don’t think she has another tone…) I don’t know. It was just odd. I mean, she was obviously flustered and having a hard time. WHO was that woman?
Me: My mother. And I think it’s great that she takes the kids out places like that. She’ll even take them with my nephew thrown into the mix. She’s just that kind of grandma… You know, the kind that will get down on the floor and play all day long with her grandkids.
NN#2: *Hmph* Well, my mother would never do that.
NN#2: I just couldn’t figure out why she was there or what she was doing. I mean, she should have just gone home or to McDonald’s…
Me: (thinking WHAT THE FUCK, GET A LIFE, but laughing to annoy her even further…) Well, I guess I don’t get your point.
NN#2: I mean, that has to be the same woman you got so mad at last Halloween.
Me: Huh? I have no idea. I don’t remember that.
NN#2: Surely you do, she called you because she couldn’t handle it. You were very frustrated with her. You have to remember that. I know that has to be the same person… I mean, obviously…
Me: Um, no. I don’t remember that.
NN#2: Well, who was watching your kids last Halloween? Was it your mom or your mother-in-law?
Me: For the party it was my mom.
NN#2: I knew it. She was crazy. I mean, it was obvious she had no business being there with those kids. I mean, she let Avery run up and talk to perfect strangers.
Me: You guys???? Weren’t you sitting at the table right next to them?
NN#2: Yes. (pause) You should have seen her. She was letting them get so messy. She really didn’t have any business being there with them.
Me: (laughing) Well, I called her to check on them and she said the kids were eating cheese dip with a spoon!
NN#2: THEY WERE! (like it was bad…)
Me: (laughing) NN#2, that’s fine! Who cares?
NN#2: Well, while she was on the phone with you a waiter walked up and wiped Avery’s face! Wiped her face! And your mom didn’t do anything. She just kept right on talking! Jerry (not really her husband’s name) had to force me not to call you at dinner. I mean, really? I was like “But, I have to call her! That woman’s crazy!”
Me: Um, it’s no big deal. We KNOW them. They’re always doing stuff like that. We go in there so much that they’ll take her off to the kitchen and they give her little gifts and stuff.
NN#2: That’s just bizarre. I didn’t realize you guys knew them… But I still find it strange.
NN#2: THEN, you’ll never believe this, Avery kept saying she had to tee-tee and Henry was so covered in cheese dip, she obviously didn’t know what to do. She was seriously frazzled at that point. So, then she turned and asked us if we could watch Henry while she took her to the bathroom! I mean, come on! WHO does that??? I mean, we were still eating… The nerve! And then Jerry stupidly said yes. I was so pissed.
Me: (getting irritated now) Well, I’m sorry she asked you to watch him in the middle of your dinner. Thanks for doing it.
NN#2: Well, I mean, I was finishing up, and everyone else was done. But, I still had one bite left…. (pause) It was just rude. I can’t believe Jerry said yes. Who would do something like that???
Me: Okaaaay….. Like I said, sorry she interrupted you. She said you guys had talked to them the whole meal and that the kids were hugging all over the baby the whole time. I’m sure she thought you wouldn’t mind. Especially since you were done with dinner.
NN#2: It was very rude. I was so taken aback, I just let him say okay. I promised Jerry I wouldn’t call until this morning. It was all he could do to keep me from calling you last night while you were at dinner.
Me: (silence for a second, then in an irritated voice) Well, like I said, sorry she interrupted your dinner, and I’m sorry, I just don’t see the big deal in any of this.
NN#2: (silence for a second, then in super bitch mode) Someone is beeping in and I have to take this call. Bye. *click*
See…. People, she is fucking crazy! Crazy as a loon. But she did just announce she is moving to Arkansas! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! You Arkansas people out there may soon be writing your own letters to Nosy Neighbor #2. Have fun!
ETA: I asked my mom about the potty incident… Stupidly. She asked why and I didn’t really want to tell her, but I did… I didn’t tell her everything NN#2 said, but just enough. She was pissed. To say the least. She said they were completely done eating and that was the SECOND time Avery had to pee… She had already dragged both of them to the potty once. And that they were all sitting there talking like one big group… That if she had thought it was a burden, or out of line, she never would have asked them to watch Henry. They were already goo-gooing over him and playing with him. What.a.fucking.lunatic.bitch. Better Arkansas than us. Waaay better.