I Promise I Really Do Love You… Can We Do It One More Time? Please? Well, Can I At Least Touch Your Tits?

Okay, I need to be whipped.  WHIPPED, I tell you.  I think of you so often.  Yet, I don’t do anything to let you know…  I get drunk, and then I think, ‘Hey, I need to blog!’  But, then I feel guilty that it’s only when I’m drunk…  Or sometimes when something funny happens, I think, ‘Oh my god, it’d be so much fun to hang out with the blog right now!’  Like you guys are that friend…  The one that I call when I’m drunk and horny or when I’m ready to have a good time…  I promise I don’t think that little of you.  I promise I still love you.  I promise I still think of you.  I know I don’t show it.  Can we start over?  Can I beg for forgiveness? 

I don’t want you to just be my booty call.

Let’s just take baby steps towards forgiveness, okay?  Let’s just move in a positive direction.  I promise not to take advantage of you.  I promise not to use you.  I promise to be good to you.   We’ll take it slowly.

With that being said…

WHAT’S UP, my bloggy sistas and bruthas?  What’s up with all of you???  I have no time to read and catch up and all that bullshit.  (No, I don’t mean it that way…  I don’t think what’s been going on with you is bullshit.  I should have worded that differently.  I’ll try to be more sensitive.)  Anything I need to know?  Anyone want to give me the condensed version?

I’ll give you the condensed version of what’s been going on in Shannieland, okay? 

Let’s see…………………………….

Avery turned five.  Five.  FIVE.  Holy shit. 

Henry can now talk.  He no longer needs a mommy translator at all times.  Although, he still does some. 

Tucker is sitting and eating solids and blowing raspberries and sucking his toes.  He’s too cute.  He has brown hair.  I promise he’s not the mailman’s kid.  Our mail carrier is a lady.  But, if she was a man, I promise he wouldn’t be his kid.  I guess if he was some delivery person’s kid, I’d pick the Wine Man…  But seeing as how he always shows up when I’m totally caught unawares and scary looking, I doubt he’d have me.  Especially when he sees how excited I am, with three kids hanging off my legs, to receive my wine shipment… 

Anyway………………….  Moving on………………..

The Mister is great.  Nothing too new.  Still his adorable, sweet self.  Still working hard (*ahem* and late.)  Still cheek-pinchable in every possible way.  ERD is now a bit Earlier, as he is now, starting tomorrow, getting off at NOON on Fridays.  But, that means he doesn’t close the office til 6:00 daily.  I was a bit worried that meant he’d now come home at 8, but he says no.  We’ll see.  Then I’ll tell you how pinchable his cheeks still are.

Me….  I’m great, too!  Nothing too new with me, either.  Same old, same old.  Just drinking a little less and sleeping a little more…  Only drinking less to help the diet along.  Which is kind of at a stand still.  Too many holidays and birthdays and whatnot.  And did I mention the Mister has been working late? 

Avery has been in soccer camp this week.  And hating loving it.  I think she likes the cute soccer get up, and her hair in pigtails, but the hot and sweaty and them making her work parts notosmuch.  The Mister is coaching her soccer team in the fall, though, so she’s excited about that.  I think she totally envisions her ‘daddy the boss’ scenario…  Her sitting on the sidelines in her camp chair drinking Gatorade (or Alligade as Henry calls it…  Get it?  GATORade…  AlliGATOR…  Alligade…) while her teammates bring her oreos and Capri Suns. 

Henry has gotten so big.  But he’s still shitting in his pants.  I keep telling him he has big boy poops that don’t fit in little boy pullups.  Dammit.  And I mean it.  He has also regressed in the potty training arena.  Any ideas?  He was doing so good.  Nope.  Not anymore.  Oh well.  He can talk now.  I guess it balances out.  He can now clearly say, “Mom, I pooped BIG and it STINKS!”  as he lays down on the floor with wipes and a pullup in hand. 

Tucker is just too freaking cute.  Seriously.  He’s now six months old.  He loves his daddy, his sister and his brother, and of course his mommy most of all.  He is happy most always and is so cuddly and kissy.  He has started giving those big baby hugs and open mouth kisses.  He’s the cutest baby in the entire world.  Until he blows raspberries when you’re feeding him peas.  Then I have flashbacks of trying to give Henry to the gypsies.

Anyway, too much has happened to fill you in on it all.  And yet, nothing important…  Just random blog-worthy shit…  Like the Mister and Laura drinking 25 bottles of champagne and him deciding that our jetted bathtub could, with hot water and bubbles, serve as a sufficient hot tub…  Or when the Mister got his dad’s tractor stuck in the yard and it took three weeks and Mr. G and the new neighbor Tom, among many others, countless hours of beer drinking and head scratching to dig us a new swimming hole…  Or when Laura and S and I got followed around at our last GNO by this freaky, scary stalker dude and ran and all scattered in separate directions so he couldn’t follow any one of us to the same place…  Or like last weekend when Henry stayed with Crazy Mom, and she broke both her kneecap and her wrist in two separate falls…  Or about Avery’s dance recital…  Oh my god.  THAT’S seriously blog-worthy right there…  Dr. G, help me out…  And let’s not forget Avery’s special Aunt and Uncle surprising us and showing up for her birthday party from 10,000 miles away with Avery’s baby cousin Charlotte!  One day, I’ll fill ya in.

Good times.  Anyway, I miss you.  I promise to do better.  I promise to not just blog when I’m drunk or just when I’m feeling really great and have something specific to share…  I’ll blog anytime.  Just like old times…  I’ll be here all the time.  Not just when I want something or need something…  And I know I’ve made this promise before.  I hope you can forgive and forget.  Let’s start anew.  Wipe the slate clean.  Okay?  Please, baby?

Have I told you how nice you look today?  How pretty your eyes are when the light catches them?  You’re so smart.  I really admire you.

Now, I’m outtie so that I can go get another beer.

Oh, no wait….  Beer?  No beer.  Haha.  I didn’t mean to say beer.  Oh no!  I’m perfectly sober.  I promise!  I meant to say lemonade.  Yeah, lemonade!  Yummy, yummy lemonade.  Totally sober here, people.  I promise.  Did I mention you have nice tits?  TITS?  Did I just say tits?  I meant to say brains.  Yeah….  Brains.  You have totally hot brains….