Well… Actually, I do, but this is still pretty damn bad.
According to My Hero (aka The Exterminator,) the culprit was probably this:
But, if you happen to live in the South, they look more like this:
And they’re not called roaches, they’re called Palmetto Bugs. You know we Southerners have to make everything nicey-nice… Palmetto Bug sounds so much better than roach, don’t ya think? They’re giant prehistoric sized things that FLY, too. As if it should be allowed to get any worse… Anyway, only in the South will we pretty up a roach… They’re still just a nasty ass cockroach, but at least we can make them feel a little bit better about themselves… Bless their little Palmetto Bug hearts…
Anyway, My Hero told me that when it gets too warm, too cold, too dry, or too wet, sometimes they find their big roach ass selves a way inside houses… And that since we really don’t have rats, and there is no evidence of any, it’s extremely unlikely that one just hopped up on our bed and took a shit. So… That’s good news. No rat shit… BUT, ROACH SHIT???????
Roach shit in itself is just a bizarre concept to me. Especially one that could have been a Baby Ruth for a Barbie doll… Especially when that Barbie sized ROACH doodie log is in your BED. That’s just crazy to me. Roach shit? Really??? I mean, come on… A giant roach turd has to be a bit far out there for most anyone… And then to have it in.your.bed.
When I told the Mister the news, he said, “Huh… You know, I did kill one in our bedroom a couple of days ago.” Grrrrrrrrrrrrreat. You know what that means right??? That means we slept with it in our bed FOR THREE FUCKING NIGHTS, that’s what that means. I don’t even want to think about it.
So…. We are not infested with rodents. Which is most excellent news. However, I’m still not ready to rejoice that it wasn’t rat shit… Let’s hope no other Palmetto Bugs will fly their big, roach turd laying asses into our house (and especially not into our bed!) again anytime soon… I mean, COME ON. The ick factor here is off the charts. Rats or no rats!
I’d be WAY more grossed out that a ginormous Palmetto Bug took a dump in my bed… I’d burn the fucking mattress and buy a new bed…
Not helping am I????
No…. No, you’re not.
It IS fucking disgusting. Ugh. I’m still not sure about the sheets. I need some new ones anyway… They may get burned. ACK.
And, I used the word “turd” just for you! Well, I thought of you while writing it… It’s up there with the f-word… (That’d be fart for those of you that don’t know… I HATE that word and don’t use it!) Aren’t you proud???
Good Ole Palmetto Bugs…We’re familiar with them here too.
Has The Mister washed his hands yet???
L, I know he’s showered a couple of times, so I’m assuming so… LOL!
Did you know they could take a big ole dump??? Seriously! I’ve lived with them my whole life and never ever knew that.
Still thinking which is worse rat shit or roach shit. Both is bad. How do you sleep at night? With one eye open?
Hey… I bet that nasty old Palmetto bug farted before he shat in your bed…
sorry… couldn’t resist…
Huh.
That could sum up about, oh….all of the conversations I have with my husband when I’m bringing something to his attention that he’s already aware of. I feel like I’m raising 4 kids sometimes and I only gave birth to 3.
WAIT.. roaches shit??? who’da thunk?
I cannot stop laughing at cristin’s fart comment….. eeeeeeeewwwwwwww
Just, ew. Although I am with the minority here…I still think rat shit would be worse.
I hate those things!!!! That’s why I HAVE to have the house sprayed for bugs every month…cause if I saw one in there we would have to move!
So a roach dropped a deuce in your bed…not cool.
yup. we had palmetto bugs before we moved to the land of scorpions *ewwww*
hopefully mr. exterminator can make them all go bye-bye for you guys
Hey be sure to come back and ask a question on my blog. i have a secret (sssshhhhh) surprise for one of the “askers”
I’m stealing your “Will Show Ass For Comments” cuz I feel like redecorating…K?
[...] 9, 2010 by shannie Do you remember this story? And then the follow up? Yeah, good [...]
You actually covered a number of engaging things in this posting. I found it by using Google and I must admit that I am now subscribed to the site, it’s very great (: